Pattern
by stilltiltin
Summary: Fallout from the night of the storm and the canceled wedding. No dialogue. How things might turn out.
1. Chapter 1

**Pattern**

It's their pattern now. LIke clockwork he knows he'll get that call. He knows he'll go. He will hate it. It will hurt so much to see her in pain, but he will go. He'll listen as she cries over **him** (he can't even think the name). He knows it's coming, and he tries to steel himself for it. He resolves over and over again that he won't go rescue her, but he knows he won't be able to hold to his resolve when she calls.

He can feel the tension building inside waiting for the call. He knows her signs and when it will happen. He knows this pattern. It's just like with his dad. Every month he knows it's coming and can feel the tension building. He doesn't want to do it, but he knows it isn't in him to turn his back no matter how much he hates singing his dad down.

With her, the pain is exquisite. Every time he sees her. Every time she calls he remembers the feel of her hands on his skin, her mouth pressed to his, the way she yielded to his touch and her, small and soft, under him. The pain of her rejection shoots through him. He wasn't who she wanted. He wasn't enough for her. Every time he goes he feels that pain. Not good enough for her, only good enough to come when she needs rescuing.

It's their pattern, and he doesn't know how to break it. He doesn't know if he wants to break it. He knows deep down that he will always go to her when she calls. He never knows what bar it will be or even where the bar is sometimes, but he'll find it. He'll find her.

They never talk about it. She never acknowledges it, and he won't say anything to her or anyone else. He'll just go because at least in those moments he can be near her even though she is broken and her heart is bleeding, he gets to help her, feel her small frame lean on him, feel her touch again.

It's their pattern and he lives for those moments when she needs his care - when she needs him.

It's their pattern now, and he doesn't want to break it


	2. Chapter 2

She falls for the unavailable ones. The unattainable ones. The uninterested ones. She always has. Is it daddy issues? Definitely. If one of these men wanted her, maybe her father would want to be her dad again. He would see she was special. If one of the unavailable, unattainable, uninterested ones would just look her way, she could feel deserving. She would know she is special.

She never picks the ones who want her. That's too easy. There's no challenge there. No matter what she feels for them, she doesn't want them. No. She has to make it hard on herself. She has to have the challenge no matter how it hurts. The hard way is the only way.

He is too easy to get. Available. Ready to be with her. He gives her an unexpected night of pleasure. Flashes of that night won't stop coming to her, but she doesn't want him. It is too simple, too easy. He wants to give her everything. He will do anything for her. He wants to make her happy. She doesn't want that. She needs the hard to get. She needs the pain.

Knowing it means heartache, she goes after the engaged man. The upstanding, committed man is what she wants. Nothing, no one else will do. She sets her sights on him. She ignores her feelings for the one who wants her. She ignores the growing feelings for the one who is always there for her. They don't matter.

And he looks her way. The committed man looks her way. Finally, she can have the unattainable, the unavailable.

It is a disaster from the start. She is not what he wants her to be. She tries. Like always, she tries to be everything he wants her to be. She tries changing. She fakes being something she's not. She keeps up the charade. She makes herself different, for him. It almost works.

At first, he sees only what he wants to see in her. Eventually, he sees through her facade. He sees she is not who he wants. She knows he sees she is not good enough for him.

Ugly words, ugly fights, and he leaves.

He leaves her, and she is devastated. He turns back to his first love. He turns his back on her and fully commits to someone else. She has to watch this. She has to bear it. She has to take this pain and know she will never be good enough. Not to get who she wants.

**AN: This chapter is Zoe's perspective. This piece got in my head and would not leave me alone. I've got the entire multi-chapter written and will post fairly quickly. That is after I try to make sure it is perfect. I am nervous about posting this and the rest of the chapters. I don't know what reactions will be, but you be the judge. **


	3. Chapter 3

She comes. He leaves.

She comes to Lavon's. He leaves.

She comes to the bar. He leaves.

She comes. He leaves.

It is the melody to their sad song.

Their night together comes back to her in flashes. His smile was beautiful. How he held her was beautiful.

Their moment together was beautiful, but their spell was broken by another - the one she really wanted.

Nothing is ever said between them. There's nothing left to say.

She knows she can no longer be a part of his world though he'd tell her she is the center of his universe.

She hardly sees him, but he is always there.

He is always there to help her pick up the pieces when it all gets too much to bear.

He comes. He always will.

She only wants him around her when she can't take any more and falls apart drowning her sorrows.

No one else will do in those moments.

Only he can help her through the pain.

He comes for her. Where ever, whenever. He comes for her. It is that simple.

He never questions. He never judges.

He picks her up and carries her through the pain shouldering some of her despair.

His eyes betray him.

Those eyes once so bright and full of life no longer have that sparkle.

They reveal only the depth of his hurt when she looks into them.

He never asks for relief.

He never asks for more from her.

He never brings it up to her.

He can't.

He gives. She takes.

He gives more. She takes more.

He would give her all he is. She would take it all and give him nothing in return.

It is the rhythm of their sad song.

He gives. She takes.

HIs comfort. His care. It is all for her.

She doesn't know how to stop this terrible song.

Deep down she doesn't want it to end.

She goes to bars even after she doesn't hurt so much just to have him come for her.

**AN: Have learned not to decide something is a one shot too early in the game. This one is morphing into something unanticipated. I'd say I hope you like it, or enjoy it, but I'm not certain that is the point of this piece. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for taking so long to post. Life sometimes gets in the way. Short but important chapter.**

She sees the young doctor hurting.

She is powerless to help.

She sees her friend struggle to hide the hurt.

She sees her friend try to be herself.

She doesn't know how deep the hurt runs.

She doesn't know how long it will last.

She doesn't know what to do for her.

She doesn't know how her friend's torment tortures the one person no one sees helping her.

He is supposed to be so different than what she knows.

He is supposed to be a heartbreaking womanizer, but there are no women.

He is alone, now.

He works to build his bar.

He attends town events.

He isn't supposed to care about anyone but himself.

He isn't supposed to help her, but he does in quiet but important ways.

He easily helps her get her first boyfriend and her first kiss.

He gives her a shoulder when the boy breaks her heart.

He doesn't say it will stop hurting.

He doesn't tell her it will be alright.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

His plantation is different. There are no longer communal meals with easy conversation or entertaining banter. She comes. He leaves. They no longer tease and flirt with each other. He never thought he'd miss their spats, but he does. He misses the easy smiles that no longer spread across either of their faces. Strain and hurt replace the smiles he loved to see. He'd tried to help them find each other. He'd given advice and encouragement to his long time friend. He'd told her about the feelings he knew his friend had, and she'd ignored it and gone after the man she should not have pursued. His friend was hurt, but he was doing okay until the wedding didn't happen.

Something more than he knows has happened between them. Something more than he will likely ever know is happening between them. Neither of them will talk about it or acknowledge that anything has changed. Both of them are in too much pain to know how to relate to one another now. Neither of them is able to make the first move. Not yet anyway. He wants his plantation back to the way it was and will work to help his friends until they find their way back to at least where they were before. He doesn't know there is no longer a way he can help them - only they can find a way out of their pattern.

One day his best friend and tenant says he has to go. He has to move off of the plantation, but he won't say why. His eyes give away his reason. His friend needs the relief he will not ask her for. He needs to find a place to try to heal himself and build his dream. He needs the time and space to become the man he wants to be. He is trying to be more, be better for her, but he won't acknowledge that. He says it makes more sense to live where he's building his bar, but that isn't the real reason.

She comes to his kitchen anxious and asking where her neighbor is. He has to explain the latest change on his plantation. She takes in the news that her neighbor has moved. He sees the look of guilt she tries to hide. She finally tells her best friend in BlueBell what happened between his friends. He can't hide the disappointment he feels in her. She knows she deserves it. He'd only ever asked one thing of her, and she'd disregarded his words. She'd hurt his friend.

She doesn't tell her friend everything. She doesn't let him know that she'd gotten what she thought she wanted. She doesn't tell him that it was a disaster. She doesn't tell him that his friend comes for her when she needs him. She doesn't tell him that she needs the one person she's hurt the most. She doesn't want to admit that need to herself.

She doesn't want to admit how much it hurts that he is no longer near.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

He gets the money to start his bar from the most unexpected place - Earl. No explanation just a pile of money for him to start his bar. He finds it hard to trust his dad, but this gives him a way to move ahead with his plans so he takes it. He never knows she was the one to tell Earl about his dream.

He doesn't tell anyone about his time with her. He will not let anyone see how much she hurt him. He was ready for her, ready to give her everything, but that's not how she works. He wants to get past this. He never thought he would fall for anyone, and he never thought he'd fall so hard. If he can only make some positive changes in his life, he might be able to move past his feelings for her. He doesn't let himself acknowledge that he is making these changes to try to make her see him differently. No, he's doing this for himself to make something more of his life. It's what he tells himself.

He hides his hurt well around others. He's good at letting people see only what he wants them to see. He's done it all his life. He'd let her in, but she doesn't want that. At work, at town events, everywhere he goes, he holds it together, hiding the pain that will not leave him. He wants her to let him love her. She won't. He aches to see her smile at him. He aches to touch her, to kiss her and hold her in his arms feeling her soft caress on his skin. He aches to talk to her to tell her everything happening in his world and to hear everything about her world.

He keeps away from her as much as possible. He makes himself stay away from her keeping busy with work and building his bar. He is not around her until she calls for him to come help her. In those moments, he takes his fill of her, drinking her in to keep him going until the next time she needs him. It is in those moments when she is near him that he breathes again, that he feels alive again.

He tries to hate her, but he can't. He wants an end to this, but he doesn't see that coming. Not living near her helps. He doesn't have to see her. He doesn't have to know if she goes out with other men. He is torn wanting to see her so much but making himself stay away. He thinks it should be easier knowing he won't encounter her so much, but it's not. But away from her, he can focus on his dream and learning to be a better person.

He keeps his pain at bay with activity - fishing, town events, working and building his bar. He keeps moving to try to get away from the pain, if only for a few moments. He puts all his energy into acting normal, like himself, around everyone, but in the night when he's alone, he can't push the pain aside. He can't hide from it. In the middle of the night, when sleep will not come, the pain takes over. In those moments he feels the full weight of this love he cannot escape. In those moments all he wants is for her to call for him


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

She watches him walk away again. She watches as he turns and leaves her porch after another night of finding her and helping her. She watches this no longer proud man walk away - shoulders no longer straight, head no longer held high, eyes no longer shining with a mischievous glint. She feels his absence from her world more now than ever before. He doesn't know she was in that bar because of him because she knows and regrets how much pain she caused him and cannot take his absence any longer.

She watches as he walks to his car and leans against the door looking at her watching him. He asks her why. He needs to know why she's still doing this to herself, and why she can't get past **him - the one she said she really wanted**. He wants to know why he isn't enough for her, why she does not want him, but he won't ask that.

She doesn't expect his question. He's never asked before, and she doesn't know what to say. She wants to say because she needs him because she loves him, but she's not ready to give him those answers. She says because she misses him.

It wasn't the answer he expected. It wasn't what he was asking at all. He doesn't know what to say and regrets asking the question. It has been so long since they talked, and he expected her to say she still loves the unavailable man. He wants to say so much but knows it won't make a difference to her. He's standing there in limbo not knowing what else to say.

She helps him out telling him that she is sorry she hurt him and wants him in her world again. She tells him she knows how wrong she was and how sorry she is for what she did. She doesn't say what he wants to hear. She can't give him what he needs - what he wants so desperately. She's not ready to give him that. She can't take the risk, not yet.

He takes in her words wanting to hear more than she's willing to give. He says it's okay and she shouldn't be sorry. He'd say he misses her too, but doesn't she already know that. He wants to tell her he still loves her, but he can't take that risk again. He needs something more from her before he can tell her that.

She cannot give him any more on this night. She wishes she could. She knows she's not ready to give him what he wants and turns and walks into her house.

She wants to run. She want to leave the town where she's done so much damage and felt so much pain. She wants to run away from the pain she saw on his handsome face. She wants to leave, but she can't. She can't leave him, now. She needs him too much to leave


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

He works.

He works day and night.

He works at the bar where he's worked for years.

He works on making his own bar a reality.

He works to make something more for himself.

He works to overcome his up-bringing.

He works harder than he ever has before.

He tries to stay focused.

He tries not to remember their night together.

He tries not to think about her.

He tries not to recall her words.

He tries not to think she misses him.

He tries not to hope.

He misses living on the plantation.

He misses his old house.

He misses her.

He misses her smile.

He misses her laugh.

He misses her sass.

He loves his father and brother.

He loves his childhood friend.

He loves this town.

He loves working at the bar.

He loves fishing.

He loves playing video games.

He loves working on his bar.

He loves her.

He knows he's made mistakes.

He knows he didn't treat her right.

He knows he needs something more.

He knows he has to do this for himself.

He knows, deep down, it is for her.

He knows this is not all he wants.

He knows he won't get what he desires.

He knows he will be okay.

She needs time to think.

She needs time to heal.

She needs to accept changes in her life.

She needs to talk to someone.

She needs to talk to him.

She needs to be honest with herself.

She needs him.

She tries harder to fit into the town.

She tries to accept this as her home.

She tries to talk to her best friend.

She tries to her ignore her feelings.

She tries not to remember being with him.

She tries to find a way back to him.

She misses shopping and coffee shops.

She misses New York less and less.

She misses their mornings together.

She misses his touch on her skin.

She misses him.

She misses his smile.

She misses that twinkle in his eye.

She misses his teasing.

She loves this town.

She loves her practice.

She loves her best friend.

She loves crazy town events.

She loves her young friend.

She loves shopping.

She loves shoes.

She loves being a doctor.

She loves him.

She knows she made mistakes.

She knows she hurt him badly.

She knows he may never forgive her.

She knows, deep down, she should try.

She knows she should talk to him.

She knows he may not want that.

She knows she will try.

**This is evolving differently than I had it sketched out initially. Still don't know where the story will end up. It is taking it's own path at this point, but I think it is nearly complete. Still worried about posting each chapter. Reviews are welcome. Any feedback would be great at this point.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**AN: This chapter was hard to get out right, and I rewrote it a dozen times or more. Still not 100% satisfied, but this is what this chapter seems to want to be.**

She watches him. She watches him when she sees him which isn't so often, but she's been watching him since that night on her porch when she left so much unsaid. She's afraid. She's afraid of what she feels for him. She doesn't want to admit her feelings for him to herself fearing he will reject her, fearing she's hurt him too much to be forgiven, fearing she will be hurt again. She watches him from afar, no longer a part of his world. When she sees him she watches him wishing she knew what else to do.

She needs to know more about his world. She needs to know more about how he is. She watches him when she can learning more about the rhythm of his life now. No longer the frenetic, cocky rhythm of the past, it is slow and soft, sad and beautiful in its simplicity, and it breaks her heart.

Eventually, she gets up the courage to go into the bar while he's working. She doesn't know why she does it. She's not ready to talk to him. She doesn't know what to say, but she needs to see him, see how he is. He doesn't leave when she enters as he has done so many times since their one night together. She doesn't look to him when she enters. She doesn't seek him out. She finds an out of the way place. He doesn't come to her. He doesn't talk to her, but he doesn't leave either. She can watch him a bit from where she is, and she thinks she sees him looking at her a couple of times.

She watches him at his work. She watches him paying attention to how he acts and how he seems. The two don't match. He acts like he is fine. He acts like he is the same happy, carefree person he has always been. He acts like nothing has changed in his world, but she sees he is different. She watches him joke and laugh and smile, but the jokes don't come as often, his laugh doesn't come as easy and his smile is not as bright as it once was. There is a sadness about him now that no one seems to notice, but she sees it. She counts it as a victory that he doesn't leave when she comes in, but she can't stand to stay after all she's seen.

She watches him. Watches as he goes through his day from work to his new home to the building where he is making his dream. He spends long hours in the bar where he works fending off the advances of the many women who come in just to flirt with him. He spends long hours working alone to renovate his building and trying to make his dream a reality. When he's alone working on his dream he seems almost at peace. The facade drops and the sadness that pervades his world surfaces, but he is at peace, content to be on his own working for something more. He seems to be working on more than just his bar. As she watches, observing every move every expression, every moment, he seems sad but determined as if he is resigned to where he is now but working to make a change anticipating something new up ahead - a place where his smile will once again be bright and his laugh will come easily.

She sees he is anticipating the time when it becomes easier to be without her, the time when the sadness and pain he carries now eases just enough to let him breath again. She wants his smile to be bright. She wants to see that grin on his face again. She aches to hear him laugh with real joy.

She watches him for weeks going through his days of work and more work. She watches and learns the rhythm of his life. It becomes the comforting rhythm of her life. She sees him at work, at his building, at his new home. She is always outside not part of his world not part of his rhythm, but his rhythm is her heartbeat now.

She doesn't know what to do. She's never been good at showing her feelings of owning her feelings. And he is so all wrong for her. He is not who she is supposed to love, not what she was expecting in her world, but all she can see is him. She knows he is trying to get past his feelings for her, and she doesn't want that. She can't blame him for wanting to get over her, but she doesn't want to think that he can. She thinks she knows how he felt when she went to the unavailable man. She doesn't want to think about that. She doesn't want to think about or acknowledge how much she truly hurt this man she now knows she's loves.

She has to do something. She's willing to do anything to change their pattern, but she doesn't know what. She eventually decides on what to do, but is scared of what will happen. She's determined, though. One night she drinks too much and finds herself outside his building. She thinks it is now or never, but she can't be like this when she tries to talk to him. She turns and goes back to her gatehouse.

**I didn't want it to seem like Zoe is a crazy stalker, but it was hard not to make it seem that way. In my mind BlueBell is a small town and she would naturally see Wade sometimes as she goes through her day and passes him or where he works or his building at different times. She's not following Wade around. She's just seeing him from time to time.**


	10. Chapter 10 (Redo)

**This is a slight rewrite of the chapter. Had to make some changes because the first version just wasn't quite right.**

**Chapter 10**

He's doing better. At least he thinks he's doing better.

He's making real progress on his bar, and the classes he's taking make him feel like he can make his bar a success. It will only take a couple more months to finish renovating the space. Then maybe just a month or two to finish everything up and be ready to open his bar. His dream is coming into focus, and he's feeling good about the progress he continues to make. He's had the help of his friends along the way. His old landlord has helped as much as he can or as much as he's allowed. He wants this bar to be all his own. If it succeeds or fails he wants that to be on him.

He's never avoided responsibility or hard work, but he's never embraced them either. He has always been the good time guy. Want to get into some trouble, he's up for that. Want to have a rowdy night out, he's right there with you. Want to forget your last boyfriend, he's your man. That's who he's always been. The guy who is there for fun and forgetting. He was always fine being that guy. He never liked being the one everyone pities because his momma died, his brother abandoned his family and he has to sing his drunk father off of town roofs every month, but that was always just life in a small town. He was fine with all of that until she came to town.

She made him look at himself and his life differently. She made him want to be a better man. She made him want more for himself than just being the good time guy who has a new woman in his bed almost every night. She made him want to feel worthy. She made him want to feel like he is good enough - good enough for her to care about him. She made him want to make something for himself. He wants to be angry with her for making him feel so much and want so much and then turning away from him, but he can't be. She's the catalyst for this dream that is actually coming true. He can't hate her for giving him that. He can't hate her for feeling how she feels for the unavailable man. He knows what it is to feel something for someone who doesn't want you. He knows that pain and feels for her.

He keeps wondering how she is doing. She hasn't called for him again, not after the night he asked her why. He messed up. He broke their unwritten rules, and she hasn't called for him. He doesn't want her torturing herself over the unavailable man anymore, but somewhere inside he wants her to call for him again. He wants to be near her and have her lean on him. He wants to feel her touch again. He knows that is not good for him, and he tries to keep busy so he can't think about how much he still wants her and just how much he misses her.

It doesn't help him that this town is so small. It doesn't help that she seems to be around more and more. It doesn't help that he keeps seeing her. He looks up sometimes, and there she is standing in the shadows just far enough away that he can't be sure she sees him. Then she is gone. He thinks he sees her outside the bar where he works and outside his building a couple of time, but he's not certain about that. He keeps seeing her which makes it harder for him to stop thinking about her, about those times they joked and teased, about all he feels for her. It makes it harder not to remember their night together, that night they connected.

He still loves her. He's certain she will never feel the same. She's only ever loved the unavailable man. He is trying hard to get past his feelings, but he's not ready to bother with someone else. He has plenty of opportunities. The women still come in to where he works flirting and offering anything he wants with them, but he can't. He's not up to being that close to another person right now. He couldn't stand the touch of someone else, not yet.

Still he hopes for the day it becomes easier. He hopes for the day that his first thought won't be of her. He hopes for the day he'll wake not wishing she will be beside him. It's not getting better. He keeps seeing her wherever he goes, and it is making him desperate to talk to her, to go to her, to get away from her.

She came into the bar where he works one night. Weeks after that night when he asked her why. Weeks after she'd told him she misses him. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to leave. He wanted to see her, to keep an eye on her. He stayed. He stayed in the bar as much as it hurt to see her and not talk to her. He stayed glancing at her from time to time to see how she was doing. He could swear, but he dared not hope, that she was watching him while she was in the bar. He wouldn't let himself hope that this meant something.

One night he is working on his bar. It is the time he is most at peace. He doesn't have to pretend to be the same as he's always been. It is the time he can be who he is and how he is not needing to hide the hurt, the pain he feels all the time. When he's alone working to renovate his building, he can let all the pretense fall away and just be. He's working on his bar and thinks he sees her just outside. It is a brief glance, and he's not sure she's really there swaying on her feet. He has to know and goes outside, but she's not there when he gets there. She was likely not there at all. It was just wishful thinking.

He knows he needs to do something to get out of this pattern of working and missing her and dreaming of her and wanting her. He doesn't know what to do. There isn't anything he can do. She made her choice, and he could ask her why she didn't choose him, but that won't make things better. He could ask her why and tell her how he feels, but that won't help him. She doesn't want him, and he can't change that. He can only hope for the pain to ease just a little.

**AN: Whew! This was a hard one! See what you think. I love reviews, and this story is a bit outside of the norm which makes reviews are extremely welcome. I have to confess that I truly love this story even though it is on the darker side and I wrote it. I even have a favorite chapter, but I'd love to hear what you think about it as well. **

**Just two more chapters and this one will be finished. **


End file.
